A Taste of a Friendship

Hello there!

My gender is female and I lived in Indonesia. You could call me Beatrice but that's not really what people call me in RL. I’m just a regular teenage girl with quite a heavy problem in my life but that’s okay I guess. To be quite honest I’m just a talker but I don’t want to talk about this to one person but I need at least to be seen by other people too. 

I never was a girl who got a lot of friend or just someone to hangout with. I never had to settle in one place because of my dad's job. Moving from another area to another area, new school, new 'friend' but never have a friend. They will just go to their 'friend' and left me to mingle around to find someone that i can join with. So basically I'm an outcast. It happen from elementary until i was in second grade in middle school and then in third grade i found at least people who accept me even tho they will go with their friend to. Until i met a girl who i can connect with ( you know who you are ) become best friend and let’s just call her Ella. And sadly we don't go to the same school but we met at least once a week. She's been in my down time and i hope i could be her anchor when she needs me. So i tasted what a friendship is like and because of that i want to give to others what is like to have a friendship as well. At least give them a feeling that "hey, you're not alone in this world, that's going to be a person or two who knows what your dealing with" or just someone who listen, just listen to your problems or things that you want to talk even when it’s dumb and weird or just you want to talk. This is when the story will start ,I knew this person when we enter Highshool. A classmate and we have different society life. Let’s call her Micah. She's a rebel and I'm just a girl who enter her first state school. We have one common thing and that it's we connected to one EAA ( extra academic activity) that is an obligation for me and her. Even in this community she's a rebel too, much less to say we are not close but quite far away from each other. One day at some event on the school i was talking to my old chairmate (let’s call her FF) discussing about social media, influence of it, how society is this kind of days  and generally just life. You know when you have someone who we can talk for hours about everything even on the higher subjects, that was her, my very schmall chairmate. And the rebel was there too, because my old chairmate also one of her past classmate and there too my old chairmate started to make her way so she can join in our 'talk.' Well she and our have quite a different perspective on something but that's okay. But what really makes me quite sad is when we start to discuss about relationship. Any kind of relationship, sexually and non sexually. Micah literally have a very wide social life where she knew all the dark and dangerous life out there about how free and dangerous social out there. I don’t know about her private life is but a lot of people say she’s just a bad influence, not because her family but because of her choice. What make me sad is when we turn the conversation to a non sexually relationship for some example a friendship. She became bitter about it. So the conversation between me and her just us debating about thrusting people. I’m know there’s going to be a lot of people who will disappoint you even know she is you best friend or family or your colleagues or anyone. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t want anything to do with anyone. This is what kinda making me disappointed of her and sad about her. Her lack of confidence to thrusting others and her one point view of the world. Yes the world is not pretty and yes there's going to be a lot of people that will disappoint you and yes that will be a lot of people going to crush you down, but her hope is vanish. She just looked at me like I’m just a new kid in a new school. We got over the conversation and left it never spoken about it again and be a EAA mate. Every EAA  will have some kind of program. And this program somehow put us in one division of events committee. There’s 5 of us and 1 particularly was a friend of Micah. Her name is Margot. Micah was friend with Margot and the other one was Diamond. That have a pretty interesting friendship where Micah was breaking their friendship over something and just driven apart from them. We have this duty to make sure we could make this programs happen and to at least run it to be  successful. We have a group chat talking about and discussing our event and Micah and one member just doesn’t respond. Margot phone actually can looked at the chat and see who’s already read the message. Micah was always the first one but never said anything. We been asking her and the other one “hey come out, we discussing our events”. The other one comes out and said why he can’t respond and Micah just being there silent and do nothing. Somehow we discussed about something that related to the event and Micah left the group. Not saying anything,not doing anything,not even respond  when we chat her and somehow she could use other social media platform to do basically a meaningless and when we need her she’s just runaway. I know so much she wants to be helpful but  when she pull away like that and not even a single reason she gave us, my leader in this committee was very angry. He was just giving up on her because we’ve been doing our best so she’s not going to lost in the middle of dangerous and free live out there but we can’t do that because she refuse it. I felt like I was losing a soul, she’s just driven away from us just because she want to have fun and not carry anything. I felt like defeated because why can’t I gave her a safe place, a sanctuary where she could feel like her self in this community not looking for a wrong one out there. We are a teenager. We still live with our parents and when her parents even someone from outside could see that she was living a very free life that is not safe. We love her not because we want to change her. We want her to be happy and for sure, this thing that she pull on is not going to make her happy.

Some of you will wondering why I title it A taste of friendship. Because whether you like it or not you have some friends like this. Someone you just know, because you went on the same school or class,or club, or just a acquaintance you will feel the need to make a relationship with them. Whether is a close one or not when you know they are in danger you will feel the needs to ‘save’ them. And that’s what I felt about Micah. When everyone in our community is literally giving up on her, I’m here wanting, making a strategy to at least do something that will make her open her eyes and see the world from others perfectif so she doesn’t fall in to the hole.